When It Comes To Adoption....

How old is too old? I'm speaking of parents here not children. A child is never too old to be adopted, though some misinformed believe that to be true. I think some of this stems from a well respected man called James Dobson. I remember him saying children learn most of their values by the age of 5. (don't quote me on that exactly)
Meaning, by 5, a child is pretty set.

I say a big Respectful BOLOGNA!

Parents are much more set in their ways and need to relearn many things as each child is born or comes into the family to help mold and shape us into what the Father wants us to be. :)

So how old is too old? I believe in the United States, you can adopt until the age of 63. In Ukraine, there is no age right now.(they were looking at no more than a 40 year age difference. Meaning if you are 45 you could not adopt a child under 5.) Different countries have different views.

So do you have bedrooms just sitting there? Kids gone or in college? You are in your 40's or 50's? Don't you have fond memories of those earlier parenting years?
Why not open your heart and home to a child who will most likely wind up on the street?

For those who think it is too late for an older child, think about how our Heavenly Father looks at us? Are we too old for him to reach? Are we too old for him to change? If he can reach down and change the heart of a 50 year old alcoholic, is His arm to short to reach down and change the heart of a 5 year old, or a 15 year old?

We are to work until HE comes. Consider how you might fulfill that job, and fill up those spare bedrooms!

(the above photo is of a few teenage orphans in Kharkov Ukraine, in about 2 to 3 years, these girls will be sent out onto the streets and probably face a life of prostitution, drug abuse, or worse)
They look like the girls down the street, and they could be at home sleeping in one of those "spare" bedrooms. :)

All About Losing

I have been keeping up with a couple of blogs, and the issue of loss and losing has been coming up. We are almost 2 years down the Road with Erika, and 3 with Sarah, 4 with Anna. Yet, the issue of loss is always there. YES there are gains, but there are also losses. Every birthday, they are reminded that they lost a birth mother. Every Christmas, they are reminded that there are people out there probably celebrating Christmas without them.
The issues aren't necessarily on the "front burner" of their minds or even mine, we love birthdays and Christmas, but they are there.

I was thinking about what our children "lose" when they become our children. They lose EVERYTHING. Even their underwear. They take NOTHING with them. Then, those little fragile lives are placed into the hands of complete strangers and they get on a train, then a plane, then in a car, and these are traumatic experiences for them. They go off into the unfamiliar, unkown armed many times with misinformation like, "your new parents will beat you, sell you, they are going to take body parts from you" etc.

So not only are they stripped of their dignity, they are armed with fear.

These experiences are so related to our spiritual walk.

Aren't we ALL sick, and naked and fearful and imprisoned and many times don't know it? And here comes our Lord in to rescue us from the pits of despair, and many times because of misinformation, we respond in fear, and we follow kicking and screaming into LIFE because we don't know what it is like to really be alive, we are so used to the familiar.
And just like the orphaned child, grieves his loss and is then able to embrace his gain; we realize, WOW! We have a REAL LIFE I can really trust my Lord. I WANT to hold His hand. I WANT to sit at His feet. I Want Him to love me. I am FULL of Joy unspeakable. This is real LIFE. It is incomprehensible that we would have wanted to stay in our sin.

Our losses become GAIN. It's the process that hurts. But on the other side, we become thankful for the breaking process we go through, as it helps us to understand the joy.

As adoptive parents, it is our ministry to our children to guide them, to lead them to life and to love them through the process, eventually introducing them to yet another hand to Hold. That of our Heavenly Father. What they will come to realize is that He was holding their hand the whole time.

So What IS the BEST WAY to help Orphans in Ukraine

I posed this question to Papa Dima last week when he was visiting our home. His answer:

ADOPT ADOPT ADOPT!!! With emphasis on ADOPT!

He talked about how groups come in and bring LOADS of gifts etc., only for them to not reach the children, but to be sold or stolen, or to sit on a shelf.

One example was socks. The children are only allowed 2 pairs of socks per YEAR. If a missions group comes in and brings a large amount of socks and gives them to the director of the orphanage for distribution. They will sit, or be sold. The children have already been given their allotment for the year.

One of the ways to get around this is to hand out things DIRECTLY to the children.
If they have a direct need of socks (socks with holes, or too small) he gives them new socks; same with underwear.
He also hands out shampoo,soap, laundry soap (for girls who are afraid not to wash their jeans out for fear they won't come back), toilet paper etc.

Another thing he mentioned was the aftermath that happens after a group comes through.
He said many times people, with good intention will promise to write the children, and many times they do, but after a couple of exchanges, the correspondence stops and the children experience another rejection.

The needs are so very great. Teaching children who age out of the orphanages how to live in a society they have never lived in is a huge need. Many have never had money and don't understand its value. They do not understand how to cook, how to clean, how to wash, how to care for themselves, how to study, self discipline, etc. They have been raised as a group without knowledge. Many do not go on to university because they learned nothing while they were in orphanage schools. There is much pressure to "NOT CARE". Those that DO care have a very difficult time studying and learning with such limited resources.

School supplies are in high demand, but he gives them to the children who are serious about learning. When they show that they are really trying to learn, he will give them happily. That way there is no waste.

The big problem to is that these children do not understand what a "Family" is.
They have heard of mama and papa and they all want one, but don't understand really what one is or what one does.

I remember Erika didn't know that mommas and papas are married. She announced after about 8 months of being home that she was going to Marry Papa. When Anna told her daddy was already married she asked. We said, "yes, daddy is married to mommy" and she was very upset that she would not be marrying daddy when she was older. :)

We all found that quite funny, but she didn't. She still didn't understand how a family functions. After 2 plus years I think she understands MUCH better now.
And... she isn't mad at mama for being married to daddy. :)

For those reading this, wanting to help orphans.... is it possible to open your hearts to adoption. Adoption of an older child who has almost NO chance once they leave the orphanage?

The newest statistics for Ukraine are staggering... 5% of orphans who age out of the system will live a fairly normal life. 70% will wind up in Prison at some time. 10% will commit suicide. More than 60 percent are unnaccounted for after 5 years. (most probably in prison, dead or have gone into prostitution or are homeless)........

They are just kids. Kids who have been given life, but have NO life.
They are kids that need to wake up spiritually.

What is the answer for how to help those who are not adopted???

The chances of being adopted after the age of 4 go down staggeringly each year.
The chances of an older child being adopted is like the chance of winning the lottery.

First off: Their spiritual needs are of most importance.
Remember to pray for them often.

Their physical needs are important.... having a fund to give them what they need
AS they need it is important.

Regular visits from people who can minister to the kids and build trust is vitally important to them. That is their lifeline to the outside.

Continued visits, teaching, instruction and bible study is hugely important for those who leave the orphanage system.
This would include instruction in money matters, how to cook, monitoring yourself, getting to bed on time, study, personal health habits, moral lessons etc.